Not All Who Wander....

J.R.R. Tolkien, a smart, creative man who would create The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings (among many other works ) said this.

I've loved this phrase ever since I heard it. Those who know me, know that I am a wannabe hippie. I love the idea of being content with life (no matter what it looks like), wearing flip flops/being barefoot on a daily basis, living close to nature and being passionate about preserving it thru my lifestyle choices. I want to be the wanderer who isn't lost. The truth is that I am wandering, and I do feel lost about 98% of the time! My husband on the other hand, of whom I admire more than anyone that walks this earth, can wander like no other, and never feels lost. He is confident in every choice he makes or action he takes. Boy do I admire this. I always have. I want to live out this philosophy, so badly!

Our lives haven't gone as we had planned. By now we had hoped to have a family, to be debt free, and to be living somewhere exotic. Reality is that our family consists of 3 dogs, 1 cat, and 10 chickens. Reality is that we have thousands of dollars in school loans. Reality is also that I live less than 15 miles from where I grew up. However, this being said, I am happy. I am happy to have this life with crazy furry animals, I am grateful that we were able to go to school to get degrees, and I love being able to stand outside a blistery winters night staring at the stars (that sometimes feel so close I could touch them).

We tried to map out our life (by we, I mean me...:)) and it hasn't gone as planned. We've become wanderers, our path has just changed. Our goals now are to live a life of love, to exemplify that to others. We want to travel, we want to continue working towards having an authentic relationship with God and with eachother. As I sit and think about this phrase and what is means for me, it may very well mean something different to you. To me, to wander means to travel the path less traveled. This doesn't mean getting lost, it just means going somewhere different.

So we don't have kids....being surrounded by friends and family that are having kids (what seems like every other minute) is difficult (and unbearable) sometimes. This currently isn't the path marked out for me, and today, I can handle that. Don't ask me if I can handle it tomorrow :). It's a rollercoaster that I can't get off of yet, but I hope sooner than later to be on a firm ground of faith, knowing that with or without kids, my life will be full, and it will be happy.

Our debt is slowly being worked on. We refinanced our house to a 15 yr, we will have paid off Micah's car in just under a year, and will be on our way to paying off our school loans as quickly as possible. We don't want our lifes work to be consumed with having to pay off debt. We want it out of the way so we can take what we earn to better others lives. What that will look like down the road, I honestly don't know. I am however, excited at the idea of being able to give freely without concern of where $ will come to pay off this or that...and in time, we will be there.

Micah went back to school 2 years ago, and as of last month was hired as a RN for a local long term care facility. His original path he thought would be land use planning. and now he passes medicine, brushes hair for elderly women who sit in their rooms lonely and afraid, and he takes his meek and compassionate personality to serve the geriatric population. If it's possible, he makes my heart smile. :)

I am still teaching in a severely multiply impaired classroom. Some days it is harder to deal with staff and parents than it is the actual students. I love my students and want the best for them. While many dont see why I do what I do (because their lives are significantly shorter due to their conditions), I insist that if I can make them as independent as possible while they're in my room, they are gaining their own sense of freedom and happiness in realizing their capabilities (no matter what that looks like). I will be taking this summer off, for the first time since I started teaching, and am excited to be able to do more "wandering". No plans. Other than to work in my garden, continue working part time at a retail sports store, and spending time with family and friends.

This summer, when we wander, we are going to do it in style, with maybe 1 or 2 of these:

 

We're daydreaming for now, but Micah wants to start a scooter gang, and I'm pretty excited at this possibility :)

Thank you also, to those of you that responded to me via text or email on my last post. I was in a dark place, and your thoughts of encouragement and support were a great comfort. I am truly grateful to you, and hope I can be there for you as you were for me.

Life is good. No matter how hard it can be sometimes. It is good, and God is to thank for that. Because in the darkness there is always a light of hope, through the comfort of friends, family, and faith.

Happy Wandering!